Go on, be honest. Which of the following pictures do you think is more likely to be used in online dating articles?
It's time to change. We all live decades longer than before, and in the years of wisdom, we are healthier and healthier than ever (and in some cases, skiers as well). Meanwhile, more seniors over 55 find themselves single, either because of divorce or because they have lost their beloved husband or wife for many years.
That means more seniors and baby boomers than ever before, and they will look for partners to fill the gaps in their former partners.
Because no matter how old you are, one thing about human nature will never change: no one likes loneliness.
Seniors, however, looks for partners in a very different way from young people. Once you enter the age of wisdom, your needs, desires and expectations are completely different from what you sought in your twenties.
Let's look at nine things you may not know about seniors dating:
1. Age doesn’t matter so much
It seems counterintuitive to say that people with one trait - how old they are - don't care much about age when looking for a partner, but it's true. Young people have incredible prejudices about age, and to some extent, age is one of the most important filtering criteria used to find matches on online seniors dating websites.
View the picture from the right of the match. Age is the second most important attribute to help users determine whether they are interested in potential matches (after photos). This scenario appears not only on matches, but also on e-harmony, ourtime, a large number of fish, OK Cupid and other seniors dating sites.
The filtering mechanism on seniors dating sites also emphasizes the importance of age in the minds of young suitors. All users are asked to specify the age range they are looking for. Many people choose a very narrow range (for example, "32-year-old men are looking for 26-29-year-old women").
What's more important is your body shape, your health, and what activities you can do.
Adults over 55 are more likely to get along. Part of it may be wisdom that comes with age, but more importantly, it's a basic fact about how age works. Once you are in your fifties, your actual age is getting smaller and smaller. What's more important is your body shape, your health and what activities you can do.
A 70-year-old woman looking for a man? If you're active and like to travel long distances and play golf, you'll be more interested in healthy and energetic 82-year-olds who can share your activities with 65-year-olds rather than waiting for a hip replacement who can't travel long distances any longer. On the other hand, the 75-year-old woman used to have back problems and liked drinking and watching movies, which might be a good match for the 65-year-old man.
Age is secondary. Your influence on our age is really important.
2. Neither do looks
Another striking aspect of dating young people is how important appearance is. Today's hottest online dating app for young people is Tinder, which proudly claims that there are more than 450 million courtiers every day.
Quickly view the Tinder user interface on the left. What is the most important aspect in determining whether you may be a potential competitor?
This is a picture.
With Tinder (and almost all other online dating systems on the market today), photos are particularly important. This reinforces the message that young people are hit hard every day: nothing is more important than your appearance.
If we say appearance doesn't matter at all to people over 55, it's lying, but it turns out to be a much lower priority.
Perhaps that's because seniors adults are smart enough to know that looks and whether someone will become a kind, caring, loving partner are very little. Maybe it's because as you get seniors , the nature of attraction changes, or maybe they know that "hot and sexy" is more a function of your personality than your appearance.
Whatever the reason, most seniors people will tell you that looking for a partner is not important.
One thing that impresses us is that dinner plays an important role in the social (or non-social) life of most elderly people. No one likes the idea of spending years cooking for themselves and eating alone. When your married friend wants to catch up with dinner, being alone can get a little tired. Compared with other activities, dinner is the most intense place for the elderly to feel lonely.
That's why, for most seniors people, dinner dates are the most important first step in finding a partner.
This is equivalent to how many young people organize their first date, usually in a bar. Some of today's dating services are built around this concept: Grouper, for example, chats up a group of young people in a bar and offers a free first drink as part of the set meal.l'
For the elderly, this is not a drink, but a dinner.
3. It’s not drinks, it’s dinner
One thing that impresses us is that dinner plays an important role in the social (or non-social) life of most elderly people. No one likes the idea of spending years cooking for themselves and eating alone. When your married friend wants to catch up with dinner, being alone can get a little tired. Compared with other activities, dinner is the most intense place for the elderly to feel lonely.
That's why, for most seniors people, dinner dates are the most important first step in finding a partner.
This is equivalent to how many young people organize their first date, usually in a bar. Some of today's dating services are built around this concept: Grouper, for example, chats up a group of young people in a bar and offers a free first drink as part of the set meal.l'
For the elderly, this is not a drink, but a dinner.
4. Not everybody is looking for love & marriage
The basic premise of most dating services for young people is that the ultimate goal is to find love and marriage. Although this is true for some elderly people, it is far from omnipotent.
Many seniors people are really looking for a partner, not something else. Some are looking for someone to eat, some are looking for someone to travel with, and some are looking for someone to share their favorite activities.
Attractive, romantic and flirtatious are always fun. This is enough for many people at this stage. For others, more. There is a complete range of appointments, far beyond the online dating service for marriage today.
This largely explains the next point.
5. It’s not just about one companion
Many seniors adults have multiple needs for companionship. Sure, some are focused only on finding that single life partner who will give them a loving relationship for the next few decades. But just as many are actually seeking multiple companions to fit in with their varied social needs.
A dinner-date companion.
A travel companion.
A hiking companion. A gardening buddy. A couples bridge partner.
This isn’t infidelity, it’s just common sense. A recognition that most seniors adults are prepared for the fact that no single person may be the solution to all their social needs, that they may be just as well served by multiple companions.
6. The real world counts
Far more than their younger counterparts, seniors adults feel much more comfortable evaluating a potential match in the real world instead of online. That’s right, instead of texting and messaging, they actually prefer to talk to someone on the phone to find out if they like them.
Can you believe that?
All the Millennials out there are shaking their heads, wondering why on earth anyone would like to talk on the phone when they can instant message instead. And that sums up the generation gap in a nutshell … recent studies show that young adults are three times as likely to prefer to text than talk via the phone, the complete opposite of their seniors counterparts.
One of our favorite lines comes from a Huffington Post article on this very subject:
It won’t surprise you, of course, to discover that most of today’s online dating services are designed around chatting with potential matches online before things get serious enough for a phone call.
Kids these days!
7. Trust is hyper-important
Yes, trust is important to everyone, no matter how old they are. But for a retiree on a fixed income, who has heard countless stories of peers being taken advantage of both online and in the real world, trust takes on a special significance.
Is this person who they say they are?
Are they authentically interested in me, or are they after something more?
Or, as we have been often asked by seniors women considering prospective male companions: are they truly looking for companionship, or someone to nurse them through their later years?
Stitch Update: the more we talk to the people registering for Stitch, the more we have come to understand how important the issue of trust is (and how absent it is in most online seniors dating sites today). That’s why we’re currently working on a number of features for Stitch to ensure that the people you meet are who they say they are.
8. Filters, not so much
One thing that many dating services have in common is using fancy algorithms to help you find a partner based on a dazzling array of filters you provide them. Younger people can be zealous about the rules they impose on potential partners.
Ethnicity.
Religion.
Occupation.
Even eye color!
The profile selection page from Match.com paints a clear picture: young people dating have a well-defined set of filters, which they use to help them find that “perfect” match.
We’ve found seniors adults to be far more refreshingly open-minded.
Whether it was the Jewish 82-year-old, who admitted in her youth she would have only accepted “a handsome Jewish boy” but now “doesn’t mind about their background as long as they are kind”, or the 59-year-old devout Catholic who had never considered dating Protestants when she was younger, we found an incredible willingness to judge potential partners on their personality and shared interests than any pre-conceived notions of who the “right” partner might be.
Just another example of why we love our members … they never cease to inspire us.
9. Online dating stinks
In case you hadn’t figured it out by now, all the differences we’ve described above lead most seniors adults to conclude that, well, online dating is not a positive experience at all. It’s built around the needs of younger generations, who care a lot about age, about appearances, about filtering out potential matches based on arbitrary criteria, who are happy to spend inordinate amounts of time online, browsing and scrutinizing potential matches.
The online seniors dating sites which market themselves as being for 55 and seniors are simply re-branded versions of seniors dating sites for younger adults. None of them recognize that there are fundamental differences in what matters to seniors adults and what they’re looking for.
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